At times, we face a problem or question that daunts us and it turns out that the only solution is to ask a long-time friend whom has not been in contact with you for a very long time. But should we approach this 'friend'? If done wrongly, we might even cause him/her to feel unappreciated because the last time you talked to him/her was umpteen years ago and the first thing you want from him/her now is a favour.
This is what happened:
Recently, I was approached by an ex-schoolmate to expound on a certain subject I happen to have knowledge of. It is rather strange for anyone to ask me about this subject because it is highly specific and not something that people will talk about in everyday life. Naturally, I would want to know why she wanted this information before telling her. Also, I needed to know how detailed I need to go in this topic in question. Not only did she not want to disclose to me why she needed it, she went on to demand me to start explaining. This felt really insulting because I could be doing her a big favour - hours of online research, days of attempting to understand it and more hours on clarifying what she is not sure about - all these hours can be compressed into a detailed email from a person who knows about what she is trying to ask. And yet, this is how she responds to my query. It feels that she thinks of me as an inferior being who does not posses any emotional complexity and that a simple demanding voice could command me to do so much work for her. This was how she treated me even during our school days and I was simple and happy enough to comply then, but not now. Why? Because I know that she wouldn't do the same for me if I was in her shoes. In addition, I knew that she asked me because of her job, which makes me feel even worse because I will be directly easing her work if I helped and yet I will receive none of the monetary benefits.
I think that, to ask for help, one must first qualify for it. This can be established by first being a friend with someone you need help from, not by being acquaintance. Second, the complexity of the help required must be proportional to how deep the friendship is - whether it is maintained and how close it was.
In this case, I knew from the start that if I were to help her, it would be an act of giving. No, not like a donation, but more of throwing money into the sea - useless and fairly stupid. Even in the event that I needed help from her, she wouldn't help me and I won't pin any hopes on that.
However, the main reason why I posted this is because I'm puzzled. Why would she even ask me for help when there were times when she treated me like a nobody during our school days? At this point I would like to clarify that I have no romantic interest in this person and that during a particular period of my education, I was seen as a sad, low life. Now that I'm in a different vantage point, those who treated me like one will have to do a lot to undo the things they made me feel during that period of my life before they deserve any form of help at all.
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